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One single thought light up the mind and begins to weave a net before being slowly outmanoeuvred by another one. This time, it feels as if this is final and the mind has decided for itself, but the pattern is broken again; another thought crops up slowly yet again.
The breathing alternates between being slow and rhythmic to suddenly turning faster; the pupil fails to notice the tiredness they feel contracting and dilating unknowingly.
There is strange calm that takes over at times before letting the gloominess of the world spell their cast for what looks like an eternity. The serenity and the calm vanish in thin air as new possibilities begin to open, till now hidden even as they appear obvious a little later.
The pros and cons, the good and the bad, why you should to why should you, and suddenly everything organized and clear disintegrates, turning into disarray, something easily comprehensible becomes impossible to comprehend.
There is tiredness in being still, comfort in the activity; the thoughts are on a free run, flying everywhere not allowing or wanting to be tamed. At times, the air is heavy with despondence and within no time, also turns fragrant with hope and energy of something good.
The thoughts continue to oscillate between extremely naïve to practical before morphing into a mayhem of pessimism and unrealism.
“Close your eyes and let them (the thoughts) carry on at their own pace, don’t disturb, don’t stop or don’t even evaluate, just let them be what they are and where they are.”
“Become an observer,” a voice in the background tried calming down the agitated nerves, the conscience though already knows this is all ephemeral.
Things that are too complex, are difficult to explain slowly slow down and begin to turn obvious; it is as if you are watching something from a distance and think of it as a pole before it turns itself into a man and begin to walk putting into question the truthfulness of your sight and the way you have been using it all this while.
The breathing is like a pulley, straining and relaxing the body with every exhale and inhale, intermittently slowing down and at times letting go of the control, punishing itself with an extreme push, forcing the heart out of the mouth.
“Can’t I let it go,” something whispered.
“Does it even matter,” it added as if trying to convince its own self before gathering more cogent arguments which could make it fall in line?
“Yeah, this is what I want to do,” a firm voice tried silencing everything as it spoke with authority and reassurance.
“But what about,” a creeping little doubt suddenly begin to veer towards it.
“Enough,” the doubt was killed in the bud, as the feet sprang up quickly towards the door.
“I have made the decision,” murmured something inside.
“And its final,” it mumbled again, as if trying to convince something unknown.
A loud exhale and the eyes light up at the sight of the door.
The cool breeze caressed the bare face as it blew softly in the afternoon sun.
“Isn’t it liberating to be in a state like this.”
“A state of assurance, an assurance, this is my decision and no matter what the consequences, it will always remain mine and the results…well, I know how to get them right.”
The feet tiptoed on the stairs before vanishing into the blazing sun.
One more has fallen to the mirage, someone whispered, the walking figure though believed in what it thought was right.
deepak sharma writes 
Great post.
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